I’m sitting in a café in downtown Beirut with a fellow teacher of mine from our program. Just a few seconds ago, we started hearing loud bangs down the street. Before I could even say anything, a waiter rushed over to us and assured us, “don’t worry, it’s just fireworks, it’s fine!” I noticed that the other patrons sitting around me let out a slight sigh of relief. It is a reminder that the people here are always on their guard and that for some, conflict is sadly, still not too far away.

I have heard so many stories this past week about the past conflict in this country, in the refugee camps and within the region. It is disturbing and heartbreaking but it also fuels and inspires me. For example, the Shatila massacre. The camp I work in had a major massacre in the 1980s when the Christian milita men killed hundreds of Palestinian men, women and children in the camp...while the Israeli army stood by and allowed them to do so. Literally, they blocked the camp and refugees from escaping. It is sickening but it happened. I can't even imagine. But this is their life. This is their history. Students in my class can tell you stories of how their parents survived that. How some of their relatives did not.

Heartbreaking.

And so messed up. As I mentioned before, I have a desire to use my gifts and passions to help people heal and for them to learn how to live peacefully without conflict. But sometimes it is so overwhelming, these children are so affected by conflict. Look at their past, look at their present...look at the future. They long for a life of peace. But they struggle with a world of conflict. I have noticed since teaching here that my students use physical aggression all the time to solve problems.

For example, the other day in class, one boy accidently bumped another student’s chair. Before he could apologize, the student in the chair turned around and punched the kid. As I went over to reprimand their behavior, both students looked at me and said “teacher Kim, it’s ok, its fine.”

No it’s not. But these children don’t see it that way. That’s how they communicate and how they solve problems. It’s what they see all over their neighborhood, in their community, through their lives. How can we create a culture of peace if they are so immersed in a world of violence and brokenness?

I’ve started using “accountability” talk with my students here just like I do in DC. For my students to discuss how they feel when someone says or does something to them. And for the other to take accountablity for their actions. I’ve been rewarding the good, peaceful behavior more often. I’ve taught my students techniques in which to use movement and music to express their feelings since verbal communication in English is so hard. “Show me”, I will tell them instead of having them tell me how they are feeling if they are struggling with the English vocabulary.

We will see what happens. But I will admit, I feel like I am trying to break an iceberg with the world's tiniest ice pick, but I have hope.

And in a world of conflict that breaks my heart in so many ways, hope may be all we can hold onto to stay afloat.