29 years.
This time last year, I was sitting in a hot, humid classroom surrounded by sweet Palestinian children singing (while also teaching me) "Happy Birthday" in Arabic. It doesn't seem real that an entire year has really passed since then. I remember thinking then that I never would've imagined that I would be in such a place, living in a refugee camp and teaching, when I turned 28.
A year later and once again, I am not quite in the place I thought I would be.
Technically, I was supposed to be back in Shatila this summer. I was supposed to be teaching those same children and returning to one of the most generous and hospitable communities I have ever lived in.
However, as life has taught me before...things don't always work out the way you plan them to. Due to increasing conflict and political tensions in the refugee camps and surrounding areas, the program was cancelled. With the tables turned, I scrambled to find alternative work to do as at the time, I was in Turkey traveling before I headed to Beirut.
Below are a few glimpses into my time in Turkey:
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| Library of Celsus in Ancient city of Ephesus |
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| Rooftop view from our hotel at night, the Blue Mosque in the distance. |
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| A small fishing village of Ortakoy. |
We traveled to the eastern part of Turkey to Cappadocia. It was here where the early Christians built churches in caves and created entire underground cities to escape persecution. This area is also known for it's rock formations. Here, we also took a sunrise hot-air balloon ride. Breathtaking and completely worth the 3am wake-up call.
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| Ephesus. In the theater where Paul spoke to the church of Ephesus. |
I stayed in Turkey for an extended time, traveling solo for my first
time and learning how much of an adventure and growing experience that
can be. I do not regret that extended stay at all. Turkey is an
absolutely beautiful country (if you haven't gone, GO and if you've only
gone to Istanbul, go back and travel the rest of the country!!)
Yes, I went to Takism. Sorry, Mom. But seriously, I had to walk through the square to get to my airline office. Blame the journalist in me.
I met wonderful people, ate lots of Turkish food, picked up some of the language and gained insight on the recent Turkish political events. Even though I was not able to find alternative work, I was able to make connections with people working in the region and I am thankful for the advice, wisdom and future hope that came out of those contacts.
I fell in love with Turkey, a beautiful country with rich history, culture and art.
While it was heartbreaking to not return to Shatila this summer, I know that the decision that the director made was not made lightly. I am hopeful in future opportunities to return and continue working with these refugee populations.
I am also keeping my focus on positivity and on the many blessings in my life. Blessings such as freedom and choice. I am blessed with the ability to choose whether I go to areas of conflict or not. I have a choice while so many in this world do not have a choice. I am reminded of the millions around the globe who are forced to live in areas filled with violence and unexpected political situations, areas which lack the simple freedoms which we, at times, take for granted: freedom of speech, the right to a quality education, the right to pursue justice and basic human rights. When I stepped on that plane back to the US, I couldn't help but think of all of those people who would do anything to trade places with me at that moment.
As I returned home, I was determined not to stay disappointed about this change of plans, as these things happen. Instead, I am using this experience as inspiration for further work in this area. The people of Shatila have my heart. I continue to dream and believe in a world of peace...a world that I can not wait to experience together with them.
Now, I'm back in DC and for the first time in years...I'm enjoying a real summer vacation. No work to do, no summer camps to teach at and no projects on my plate. Time off.
And today, I turn 29.
Twenty-nine years of change, growth, unexpected choices, positives, negatives, heartbreak, love, successes, failures, disappointments, fears conquered and new dreams discovered. In just this past year, I've experienced all of these.
One of the biggest lessons that I've learned is that life is full of choices.
We can choose to focus on those disappointments, on the things we haven't "achieved" according to society, on the regrets we may have. Or we can choose to turn those negatives into positives.
We can choose to believe that society doesn't know what they are talking about...that just because I'm not married with 3 kids at age 29 doesn't mean that I'm a failure and that instead I am right where I'm supposed to be.
We can choose to fight against the lies and hold onto truth. And to share that truth with others.
We can choose that it's ok that we don't have it all figured out, that we may never understand why some things happen...and that it's ok. What's life without a little bit of mystery added in?
We can choose to throw away our "bucket-lists" and lists to accomplish...and just live.
We can still believe that love exists in a world that is completely broken and hurting. We may not always see it but we can still believe in it and live it.
As I celebrate 29 years of life, I choose to be grateful. For everything.
I also celebrate the many more years of unknown to come.
So goodbye 28 and hello, 29!
(and, um 30...you can go take an extended vacation and stay away for awhile.)
"I’m
grateful for being here, for being able to think, for being able to
see, for being able to taste, for appreciating love – for knowing that
it exists in a world so rife with vulgarity, with brutality and
violence, and yet love exists. I’m grateful to know that it exists."
-
Maya Angelou
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